The Apology

Awww.... Who couldn't forgive that little baby!!!

Mom was my fortress. I could turn to her for information, advice, comfort, you name it, I knew she had my back.  But there were times when she was more like a stone.  She had this thing about not apologizing, or admitting she was wrong.  Rather than admit it, she'd turn away and clam up - not saying a word for HOURS.  I often felt like being right wasn't always the best. Ever heard the old adage "if momma ain't happy - ain't nobody happy!"  that was my momma.  Usually I would break the ice between us.  Don't get me wrong, I loved her immensely, she was my rock, and certainly my confidant throughout my life - I miss her to this day.  She just had this way of never admitting that she could possibly be wrong.  I often wondered, "jeez, how hard is it to say I'm sorry, Mom?  Do you know the words?  They're pretty easy to recite...."  Note that I said I'd wonder!  Trust me, I never uttered that phrase to her!!  But... unfortunately I learned that trait from her.  And to this day I find it difficult to apologize.  But an apology from me has to be sincere; it must be heartfelt.

We all know that words can hurt immensely, ...what about actions?  Can actions cause extreme hurt?  And if they can, shouldn't the injured person expect an apology?  What happens to those we injure if we don't express remorse?  Does the hurt go away, or does it linger around festering... leaving the injured wondering why?... what happened.  Don't you think they might just want to hear "I'm sorry I hurt you"; or: "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

Sincere apologies are
 never unappreciated

So does an apology help?  Really??
Here's my answer: it doesn't hurt, that's for sure!   Maybe the healing process begins... maybe the injured person begins to look beyond the hurt and begins to move forward - really start living again.  Maybe it brings closure to the issue.  And maybe - just maybe - a contrite apology brings the two together to heal the rift between them.  It literally doesn't hurt to say those words, "I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt you."

But there's more than just saying "I'm sorry;" complete it with "will you forgive me?"  Anyone can say 'sorry' for this, 'sorry' for that; but a true repentant soul asks for forgiveness.  That request, then, puts the ball back into the injured person's court.  Of course he/she must be willing to accept the apology - holding back nothing - and forgiving. Then!!! true healing begins.

Forgiveness, however, means never throwing the hurt back in the other person's face again, no matter how tough it might be.  Don't keep holding on to that hurt like a badge of - what- I don't know, because in the end it only keeps hurting you.  Furthermore, the roles, then, are reversed and you become the injurer.  It's not fair at all to the person who comes - hat in hand (so to speak) - to apologize. Forgiveness takes real effort, and is a sure sign of strength and maturity. Be a bigger and better person and receive what you wanted, and move on.  You are only hurting yourself, and any other apology that might be offered will likely be less than heartfelt,  and more forced and/or contrived.

Remember, life is way too precious to allow hurt to fester ugliness.  I know I'm full of old adages, but heres a true statement: "To err is human, to forgive, divine."  I've learned to forgive. Bet momma would be proud!