I love my City!!!

His Fierceness: "don't even think about
touching it!"

Chewy and I went for a walk this afternoon.  First we walked around the Ft. Worth Zoo parking lot. I really LOVE to hear the lions roar their ferocious ROAR!!!  Then they end it with a faint rah-rah-rah.  Yep, that just seals the deal for those fierce animals!  Not that I want to be caught in a cage with them.  And then I look down at my little Chew dog, and he walks like he's the fierce animal that just let out that ferocious roar; he walks like a linebacker!  Of course that little striped sweater with the yellow lightening bolt on the back just makes him look all the more fierce!!!

We then proceeded to walk around the Trinity River through Trinity Park's bike/walking trail.  The snow geese were floating along the river, some dipping their heads into the water foraging for food.  It's such a glorious walk this time of year, the breeze rustling through the few leaves that remain, forcing the weakest to finally succumb to the force of the breeze releasing their grip on the branches.  Traffic around University was busy - people scurrying about getting the last of their Christmas shopping done at University Village, grabbing a bite to eat at the local eateries like Hoffbrau's Steak House, Panera Bread, and the local favorite Ole' South Pancake House.

It's these things that make me appreciate my city/town.  I call it a city town because Fort Worth is a large city - it ranks in the top 20 of largest cities in the United States, and yet, everything about this city feels like a town.  Just about every neighborhood has its favorite hangout places.  In my neighborhood one of the favorite local restaurants is Old Neighborhood Grill.  Nothing super spectacular about the place, but the food is good, and the service is spectacular!  Some of the nicest people you could ever want to meet work there, and many love to meet friends and family there.  On Saturday morning you'd better get there plenty early because the regulars are there early and you may have to wait a while for a table.  You can go down Magnolia and find new restaurants that have opened and blossomed the last few years in a revitalized South Side Urban Renewal - and I mean great restaurants and clubs.  Just about any night you can drive through and find people milling about deciding which place they want to try this night.  So. 7th has become the new "downtown" hangout for the young professional crowd.  There are lots of new restaurants, clubs, shops - even a bowling alley!! (not that I bowl - my best score is a 42).  And it's very close to the south end of Trinity Park for walkers, runners and bikers, not to mention a great place for picnics!

Water Gardens in the evening

People often associate Fort Worth with Cowtown, as this is pretty much the reputation it held for many years.  I remember when we first moved here from Ohio, one very hot July, we were driving through the Stock Yard area, and the stench was horrendous.  WOAH!!! What the heck is that?? We started wondering if our parents had made a very dastard mistake moving here rather than the trendier Dallas. But no, they made a right decision, for, though the city may have been known as, and continues to hold the reputation of being a Cowtown, a title the city holds proudly, we also brag of having one of, if not the only, water gardens in the middle of the city.  As some say, it's an oasis in the middle of a bustling city.  You can visit it, and totally forget that you're in the middle of a downtown.


Yes, this place has lots to offer anyone.  I've often said, I hate the hot Texas summers, and if I could live anywhere, of course it would be near water.  But I would have to be able to pick up Fort Worth and physically move it to where I want to live.  Since that's virtually impossible- not to mention physically impossible, I am happy to live right where I am.  When the former fashion store Sanger Harris came to town several years ago, its slogan was "Fort Worth, I Luv You!!  Well, I can say the feeling still hold true for me - and many today.  I remember in the old Judy Garland movie - Meet Me in St. Louis her little sister saying how lucky they were to live in their town because it had the world's fair there.  Fort Worth may never have the world's fair here, but I sure feel lucky to live in this place.  It is - MY KINDA TOWN!!!

"139"

Can't get enough of Point Loma

I heard a song in church this week, and no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, my tears flowed.  The song, "139", is loosely based off of Psalms 139. The chorus of the song describes God's love for us; there is nothing or nowhere that we can hide from His love.  One line in the song is "if I go to the heights, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you'll lead me home." It's easy to remember and love God in our good times, when we are at the heights and we can see his glory all around us.  Yet, sometimes it's hard to remember or hear him - or even want to hear him - when we've made our beds in hell. But those are the times that we need him most. 

I've shared that I've made many stupid mistakes just this year alone. It's sad to think that mistakes can lead to such disappointment, and often despair.  But we still make them, usually on a daily basis.  Some mistakes are "honest" blunders in that a person really didn't know better, or didn't really weigh all the options.  Other mistakes are so blatant, that even though we know it's wrong we move forward with it. It's these mistakes that can hurt and can lead to the aforementioned  despair.  This year I made one of those aforementioned mistakes.

I've felt pain and hurt in my life, but despair - nope, this was a first.  I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I pushed forward with it, knowing that in the end I was going to be unbelievably hurt....  Hmm, I sure didn't disappoint myself with this one, did I?  In making this decision, I allowed myself to get lost in the experience.  It was exciting, yet scary because I was completely lost.  What I lost - was myself... I lost my compass, my bearings, everything that I was and am.  I had to find myself and my way back once again.  I've struggled, and hit more walls trying to get back to the place I was before all of this. Ever watched a mouse try to work through a maze to get to a piece of cheese? It hits several walls just trying to get to the reward.  In essence I was the mouse in my own maze trying to get back to my reward.

This Sunday I heard a song in church... and I realized through this song that, as the chorus stated, I had made my bed in hell.... 'I'  made my bed in hell.  Hence the tears, the non-stop tears.  Was it all worth it? Even the Bible in Hebrews states that sin is pleasurable - but only for a season. In the end mine left me devastated. My season didn't last long, but it was long enough.  What really got me about this song was not only the realization that I had made my own bed in hell, but the fact that God, in his infinite mercy and love, was there waiting for me - to lead me home.   I don't need to go through that whole maze, hitting walls along the way. Someone, who loves me more than I can ever fathom, is leading me home.

Chewy and Me!!

Bridges

I hate bridges; a rather strange statement coming from someone who loves the water. But bridges - it's a whole other story!  When crossing a bridge by car or by foot, my heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and I can feel the nervous tension rising in me.  I really really hate bridges.  Four years ago, while visiting LaJolla and San Diego with a friend, I convinced her that we would do best to cross the bay to Coronado by ferry rather than taking the extension bridge. "Enjoy the experience!"  Unfortunately, my gracious friend hates boats about as much as I hate bridges, but alas, she acquiesced to my request.  Much to my dismay, during our ride across the bay, I was the one who became a bit sea sick, having to take large gulps of air in order to keep from ... um ... revealing just how sick I was becoming.  Luckily we made it to the other side with no incidents.  Of course we had to return - by ferry, but we didn't have the same issues.  I promised that next time we'd take the car across the bridge.

I though that maybe by driving in the middle lane, if available, I'd be ok!!  I tried that once when crossing the Bay Bridge in Maryland. Going across the bridge to the east side of the state was fine.  Returning was a disaster! The middle lane was close due to bridge/road repairs, so my choice was either the left or right lane.  Either way I had to get across again.  Sadly, I realized too late that there was no middle lane- I was in the left lane, and there was no getting over.  The traffic was atrocious, and I was stuck.
 

Doesn't this look 764 feet above the water?



If you've never driven on the Bay Bridge, let me tell you - IT'S TERRIFYING!!!  OK, maybe just this particular evening; all I remember was that I could see down to the dark choppy Chesapeake waters below - the waves were crashing their way to the shoreline.  The bridge looked like it was 764 feet above the water - a drop into that frigid black water would surely be my demise!  "Don't look down, DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!" I'd say to myself. I tried my darnedest to just stare ahead at the red break lights ahead of me - break lights that went on for miles and miles - and not look below.  It was stop and go the whole FIVE hours on that bridge. (ok, more like 15 minutes - but may as well have been five hours!!)  Ironically there were signs along both sides of the bridge that read NO STOPPING ON THE BRIDGE.  I started screaming at the other cars and drivers: "READ THE SIGNS!! READ THE SIGNS - NO STOPPING ON THE BRIDGE!!!!"  I really don't thing they could hear me - I don't know why.... I swear, my left arm was going numb (probably due to my extremely tight grip on the steering wheel), my heart was racing, ready to beat out of my chest, I could feel it in my throat and hear it in my ears ... beads of sweat started forming on my forehead.  I just had to make it to the other side.  When I did, I almost jumped out of my car to kiss the solid ground. 



Extension Bridge in Fremont, Ohio

So why would someone who loves water soo much hate bridges equally as much?  I can attribute it to the bridge we used to cross to get to my Aunt and Uncle's house in Greensprings, Ohio.  My Aunt Tillie, and Uncle Cliff lived in a really great farm house outside of Greensprings, and I remember as a child spending many holidays, evenings, and weekends at their place with lots of family members - lots and lots of family members!!!  I loved going there - I just hated crossing that bridge to get there.  See, it wasn't your ordinary mortar and concrete bridge with asphalt roads; no, it was a bridge made of many steel extensions that to a child looked like a bunch of pipes, and it had a steel grate road that made the tires on the car hum as it crossed.  You could - if you chose - look out the windows down to the creek bed below.  Me?  I'd close my eyes so that just in case the grates gave way to the weight of the car, I wouldn't see the car careen to the creek bed below.



Often in life in order to get from point A to point B we're required to take paths we don't want to take.  Sometimes the route includes a bridge or two that we don't want to cross; some bridges include hurt and pain, often times it's self-induced pain.  But do we try to learn a lesson from it in order to reach Point B, or do we scream at the traffic in front getting absolutely nothing accomplished from it?  Funny thing is when we reach the other side we often think, "wow, that wasn't so bad." 



Coronado Bridge - GLORIOUS



It's been several years since I've returned to Ohio and traveled across that old extension bridge in Fremont.  When I did return I still closed my eyes when we were crossing.  Still didn't like the sound of the tires on the grates.  However, when I returned to Coronado to visit this past year, I rented a car - and I drove across the Coronado Bridge, and I kept my eyes open and looked out over the horizon to the waters beyond, and to Point Loma, and thought "Wow, what a sight!" Look at what you've been missing!!!"



The Broken Shell

Last night I was contemplating my posting for today.  I said yesterday that I love to travel, especially to the coasts.  A couple of years ago I "had" to attend a conference in Hilton Head, SC.  Yes, I really had to attend, and it was a most fortunate trip!  The hotel where the conference was held and where the attendees stayed was right on the beach.  Yes, LUCKY ME!!! In the evenings I would take the opportunity to walk along the sandy beach - but had to be careful not to walked too far, or the in-coming high tide would block me from returning to my hotel.  The mornings were quite special, though.  Often I would rise early and head out to the beach to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean.  Just Glorious!!! 

A new morning and low tide often revealed the treasures that the high tide left along the shoreline the night before.  All sorts of fun sea creatures were washed up on the shore, most of which I had never seen alive, like this fun little starfish!  

One thing I love to do when I visit the coast is pick up a few shells and at least one rock from the beach (unlike the little star fish above, which was still alive and I wasn't going to take it from its habitat, shells are another matter altogether).  During those morning walks, I could always pick up some gorgeous new shell that was left during high tide the night before. 

One particular morning, as I was walking the beach and just spending time praying and enjoying God's company and creation, and looking for shells, I happened upon one gorgeous shell sticking out of the sand.  The pearlesque under-belly glistened beautifully in the new morning sun.  "Ohhhhh!!!" I said to myself as I hurried over to it to pick it up.  Much to my disappointment it was broken.  A piece had probably been snapped during its tumultuous travels to the shoreline the night before.  The sand graciously hid its brokenness only revealing what it chose to reveal.  "Awww" I remarked and proceeded to drop it back to the sand.  As I started to walk away a still small voice spoke to me; "Just because it's broken doesn't mean it's any less beautiful."  Owww, how true.  Something about it attracted me - maybe the pearl inside, maybe its outside swirl of colorful lines.  It was, after all, still a beautiful shell.

I often wonder, how many times do we see and/or meet someone who looks soo beautiful on the outside, only to later reveal his/her broken inner spirit?  Do we stop and try to understand what happened in their respective lives that broke them, or do we drop them along life's shoreline, possibly breaking them further?  Let's face it, we all have some brokeness in us, no one's life is perfect - some brokenness is easily revealed, others is hidden deep inside only to be revealed when picked up off the sands of life.  It's not like any of us wear a large yellow sandwich board that states in big bold red letters "HEY, I'M BROKEN INSIDE! PLEASE HELP ME!!"  We never know why God brings certain people into our lives (sometimes we want to question WHY HIM/HER, GOD???), but if we take the time to nurture and cherish those relationship, His purpose is often revealed.

I returned and picked up the shell that morning.  When I returned home, I placed it gently with the other shells that I've collected during other trips.  And it is beautiful there.  The pearlesque underbelly still glistens beautifully when the sun hits it just right.   

Deborah, Debbie, but NEVER Deb!!!

My bestest friend, Chewy and me!!

Creator vs. created

I love to travel!  Well, let's face it - who doesn't? I love the chance to head to one of our many coastlines in this country just to watch the ocean waves crash against the rocky coasts.  I love watching the water sprays after an ocean wave meets its end against a rock stronger than the wave and as it explodes into a spray of water!!

A couple of years ago, during a tumultuous time in my life, I felt the tremendous need to head to the coast just for some time of reflection and just find some answers - quite frankly to find my bearings once again.  I took a long weekend and headed to my absolutely favorite place to go, Point Loma, CA. Early that Saturday morning I took my rental car out to Point Loma.  For any of you who have never seen Point Loma, much less heard of it, here is a pic of the place.

That Saturday I walked along the sandy cliffs until I found a spot that was rather uninhabited, not a soul in sight at the time. I took pic after pic after pic of the sights, and after a while just sat down to take in the sounds and scenery. While sitting on a rock overlooking the ocean I started really listening and taking in the surroundings.  At that moment I could sense the presence of God all around me. I felt Him leading me to just listen to the waves crashing against the rocks, watch - take in my surroundings.  What I experienced that day was nothing short of amazing. I felt the ocean crash against the rocks - really CRASH with such force - roaring like thunder.  The cliff on which I sat shuttered with the force of the crash.  But - IT - stood firm.  It's as if the rocks said - "far enough ocean - you've reached your boundary. Beat on me all you want - you're not going any farther."  The rock was solid.  All of a sudden I heard a scream and turned to watch two young girls, and another couple running from a wave that escaped the boundaries of the water and sprayed all over them.  They were at a spot that one could have believed was safe and dry. My spot would be more conspicuous than where they were. Mine jutted out further into the water, but no, I was dry. Not a drop of water on me.  It was then that the Lord revealed by my surroundings that no matter how turbulent my life could seem, that as long as I stood secure on the Solid Rock, no harm would befall me.  I felt so sure for the first time in a long time.  I broke down crying before the Creator, not only of the grand creation around me, but of He also created me.  From that point on I started calling that place My Rock. It became my Bethel.

Fast forward a couple of years, and I found myself in another turbulent period. Too many errors I've made this year, too many disappointment and blunders.  I needed to get back to "my rock".  I had many opportunities to go, but kept having to put it off.  Too many other responsibilities took priority over returning to Bethel.

I made my trip this past weekend.  My first order was to find my rock. I went to what I thought was my destination. Unfortunately, it was full of people. Lots and lots of people.  I started feeling frustrated by my surroundings. I thought I'd found my rock, but I couldn't have been more wrong. To make matters worse, one huge wave came up and not only sprayed me, but absolutely douced me with ocean water. Nope, this was not what I made the trip for. I tried to talk to God, but how??  Really?? There was nothing there.  "Well, I'm here, just get up and move.  This still an awesome place."

So, I got up and moved.  I climbed up the sandy/rocky cliffs and just moved. The higher I climbed, the more I realized I could see more beauty of the spot. This day the ocean was in an uproar.  The waves were massive, the crashing was tremendous and tumultuous - much like my life! Yet, it was an awesome sight to behold.  Then I started to listen. Wow! What a sound - the crashing waves were thunderous!!! Each wave crashed with such force that I thought honestly that they was going to take down some of those cliffs.  The sights and sounds just drew me downward toward the cliff's edge.  As I reached the edge I once again became aware of the awesomeness of where I was.  I was - standing in the midst of God's glory and beauty.  It surrounded me - the sights, the sounds, the sun, the surf.  It was amazing - I was amazed.  I sat on the edge and watched the crashing waves.  It was then that I realized I didn't need a "rock" - quite frankly I had made my rock into a shrine. I allowed myself to believe that in order to find the answers I needed, or to just feel in the presence of the Lord I had to get to my rock, as though the rock was the only place to find peace and solace. No, instead my peace was and is with Creator of the rock. This time I laughed, and I cried, and I sat and watched and felt each wave crash on the rocks and shoreline.  Then I heard a scream. I turned in time to see a couple run from a rogue wave that broke the barriers of the cliff and sprayed all over them. (in Yogi Berraism - it was like deja vu all over again!!)  Me? I sat at the edge of the ocean on the rock that jutted out over the ocean.  I was dry, secure, and at peace with the Creator.  Indeed, I found my Rock! He is the one who created all the majestic beauty, and He knows and loves me enough to reveal Himself all around me.
OH, and I managed to snap this picture just in time!!

Deborah, Debbie, but NEVER Deb!!!

The Disclaimer.....

I've decided to start a blog.  Ok, call me a lemming, many people start blogs, most don't keep up with them.  Let's see what I decide to do.  Personally, I love to write, and often I love to write my thoughts and musings on issues - hence this blog's name "Debbie's Musings".

I suppose this blog will be my musings, from politics, to travels, to issues that I face on a daily basis, I'm going to do my best to "blog it".  Will anyone read my musings? That's up to the public at large.  It's not as though I know a plethora of people who I can say "hey, read my blog!", ahd they will follow.  And does that really convince anyone to read it?  Probably not.

So these musings will be out there in the great blogosphere for anyone who has time on his/her collective hands to read and either enjoy, question, throw things at the computer in disgust, or find him/herself battling insomnia and needing something to help fall asleep!  That's completely up to you!!  For me, it's just a way of writing my deepest thoughts, observations, questions - sometime I may want an answer, other times it purely rhetorical - just putting it all down on - um - "electronic paper"!!

So On with Debbie's Musings!!

Deborah, Debbie, but NEVER Deb!!!

Oh, and by the way, this is me with my bestest friend, Chewy!!