Can We Talk?

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???

Di you know that men hate the phrase "can we talk?".  They hate it with a passion!  A couple of years ago I became very upset and angry at a male friend/co-worker.  We were on a buisness trip, and he said something that to me cut me to the quick.  As is typical of me, I clammed up and didn't talk to him the following day.  The problem, though, clamming up was not very productive for the business task at hand.  When we were leaving a site he said something to me, and rather than responding to his statement, I instantly turned to him and said, "can we talk?"  The look on his face after I said that was one of which window is easier to jump out of?"  Now, our relationship was not one where we could have those "talks" on a regular basis.  He just stared out the car windshield, and propped his head on his hand as his arm rested on the driver's side window as I began to tell him how upset I was at him for his statement the previous day.  As far as he was concerned, I sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher - "Blah-blah - blah blah blah blah, Matt! Are you listening to me?"  He turned to look at me and said, "are you all of a sudden my wife?  Well, after telling him that if we were going to complete the site visit without anymore issues, we needed to iron out our problem, which we did (I think).  To this day, though, he and I laugh at the thought that I could possibly have said those three attrocious words to him, "Can we talk?"

A couple of years later, after having an issue with an former love, I sent him a text stating, "we need to talk."  He was in no mood to read those words.  After going round and round with him about my text, I decided just to let it go.  Problem was I wasn't forgetting it.  It was festering and turning ugly in my mind and my heart.  According to him, the term "we need to talk" meant we were ending things, and every bad thing about our relationship was all his fault.  Wrong, "we need to talk" to me meant - we needed to talk.  It could have resulted in the demise of the relationship, but if it did, did he honestly think that not talking about it would mean everything went on as if nothing was wrong?  Something was wrong, and I needed to get it off my chest.  As it was... well, I did refer to him as my former love.


So, what is it about men that they hate the phrases "can we talk", or "we need to talk"?  Women are talkers.  It is one of the ways we can cope with our lives and our emotions - just being able to talk things out, to air out our grievances.  "I'm angry, and you need to know why."  "You've hurt me and you need to know that you did."  "I just need your ear and some sound advice right now."  "I've been hanging with two and three year olds all day.  I'd like some adult conversation."

Ironically, women can talk - and talk - AND TALK to each other for hours.  And sometimes we hold nothing back.  My sister lives with me, which is both a blessing and a curse.  It's a blessing because I always have someone here to talk to, to laugh with, cry with, and just air out my anger at something that may have happened during the day.  It's a curse because sometimes she can get brutally honest with me - and holds nothing back.  It will hurt to the point where I think "why can't you be like a guy and just not want to talk?" 

Communication is an art form.  It's one that needs to be cultivated, developed, and practiced.  But more-so, communication is a necessity.  We have to be able to communicate with each other without feeling like one is bothering the other.  "I'm angry and you need to know why", or "you've hurt me and you need to know that you did." - why would someone want another to be angry at him/her, without hearing the other person out?  Talk about it, figure what transpired, and what needs to be done to "fix it", if it can be fixed.  Do you really want a wedge to develop between you to the point of destruction of a relationship? 

Women really don't just "get over it!"  We are made with a mind and emotions.  When we need to talk, we NEED TO TALK!  I mean - do you really want to hang around with someone who starts to pull away from you because she's angry or hurt?  Guess what? She's probably throwing darts at you in her mind.  She's probably thinking the worst thoughts about you, and you didn't do anything to combat those thoughts.  Here's a thought: you want to cuddle with your wife, or girlfriend at night?  Talk to her during the day (and not by text - thank you very much!).  Talk - let her get it off her chest.  There's an old saying, "don't go to bed angry."  There's a good reason for that.  There ain't gonna be no nookie with an angry Cookie!!  But if you allow yourself to listen to her, to let her spill her guts out to you, and you and she work through the issues, hey, you never know, she may even go to bed without a headache!

So... Can we talk??