I just saw a great phrase: "Follow your heart, but take your head with you." Smart thought....I've often questioned, why is it the heart and the head don't communicate with each other? Why does the heart want what it can't have even when the head says no? When reality hits like a storm and you're left broken hearted, the head says, "see, told you you'd be devastated." Stupid head: stupider heart....
Seems quite easy to think (totally incorrectly I might add) that when one relationship ends we can just move on to the next, and the next, and so forth, but that notion is so far from the truth. Relationships affect all of us in completely different ways - no two are the same in any way, shape, or form. Especially the relationships that are swift, intense - those that take your breath away (not to mention they render the head silenced and worthless); if and when they end, you're left overwhelmingly devastated. Everything in you (especially your head) says "you shouldn't have done this; you knew what was in store." ... but then the heart reminds you, "but it was so intense, excitingly passionate - so so severe." Honestly, who wouldn't want a relationship that - to you (and you hope your love) - is exceptional, exciting, passionate? And severe? Yes, even severe, and intense. It's like a drug that you're just loathe to give up because in the middle of a high it is amazing (I don't speak from experience - just rhetorical). But the let down is devastating - pure torture. Just because it feels so doesn't mean it is amazing
Problem is, though, even after the hurt, all the feelings of loss and bewilderment, if given the opportunity I dare say I would run to it with no abandonment! Why? because of the intensity - the overwhelming emotional connection, completeness, literally - the severity of it. It would probably still end in unbelievable hurt, but it was such an amazing ride. It was far more amazing than anything I've EVER experienced. It's hard to imagine any future relationship could measure up to that intensity, at least in my heart. But is that fair to me, or any possible relationship in the future? Am I likely to measure others to this one? Will I toss a possible great man aside if our relationship lacks the passion I felt previously?
I'm sure some will say not all relationships are passion all the time. But ... why not? Why not feel those butterflies when I hear his baritone voice, or break out in a huge smile every time I see him? If my smile melted my former love, could it melt another's? Or feel my heart race every time he touched or held me or looked at me with those deep baby blues. Why should passion and desire be sucked out of relationships? Why lose those things that initially attracted us?
My former love use to retort to me that he looked hideous. "Turn away"! he'd say! But to me he is the most handsome man I'd ever met - in my eyes he is a prize. So maybe in his eyes he was hideous, but in mine he is beautiful, just as much as he said I was in his.
It will be hard to replicate that kind of relationship again. But maybe I shouldn't want to. If I saw the beauty in him, can I see the beauty in another? I have to... I must. I have to look with eyes wide open - with heart wide open... and with my head wide awake!!!Will I ever find again a passion that everyday takes my breath away? I can only hope so... I can truly only hope
so.
"follow your heart -
but take your head with you"
